There's quite the cyber buzz going around about Jamey Jasta's Kingdom of Sorrow project -- their new album, "Behind the Blackest Tears", was released today via Relapse. The truth is, every time I see a picture of Jamey Jasta I can't help but get flashbacks to my first metal show ever. It was the day I became a man...kinda. My first metal show was at the Alrosa Villa in Columbus, OH watching Sepultura and Hatebreed. I was pretty young, probably about 14, and I was a month or so into puberty. It was dead winter -- and if you know anything about Ohio winters, you know that frost bite is a sympathy lacking O.G. that will gnaw you in even the warmest places on your body. Trust me.
So I was hanging out with my buddy in his basement listening to 99.7 The Blitz -- this terrible commercial radio station that still considers Nickelback's "Leader of Men" new music -- and the overly obnoxious weekly Alrosa Villa commercial comes on:
"This is Rick Catella of the Alrossaaaa Villaaaaaaa! Toniggghttt....Sepultura and Hatebreeeeed!"
To escape the freezing cold, my buddy and I decided to head to the Alrosa to check out the bands; he lived a few blocks away from the venue. The show was sweet. I mean, it would have been better if there wasn't a redneck couple dry fucking next to me during the entire set, but it still was an insane performance. After the show is when it got even better.
My friend and I waited for the merch line to clear before we approached Jamey Jasta. Then the conversation went like this:
"Hey man, awesome show. There is one thing that sucks about tonight though... we didn't get to see any boobies."
Jamey Jasta looked at us with a smirky grin and stood there in silence for a few seconds. I wasn't sure if he was going to tell us to get the hell away from him, or if he was going to bust out laughing. Then a girl in her early 20s walked by and he pulled her to the side.
"Baby, will you do it for the kids?" Jamey asked.
The girl looked at us completely dumbfounded. She chugged her Bud Light and pulled us into the ladies restroom.
My eyes dilated. My palms sweaty. A choir of angels began singing hymns in the room. And there they were: the first pair of bosoms aside from my mother's that I had ever encountered. My life had forever changed.
A couple years ago I sat down with Jamey Jasta to reminisce on my introduction into manhood. Listen below.
And for all you pervs, they were C cups with half-dollar sized nips and Braille bumps around the circumference.
That was the day I became a man...kinda.