A Study Guide to There, Their, They’re / Your, You’re

I see it at least fifty times a day. My friends do it. Your friends do it. Dudes in bands do it. The problem is entirely out of control. And frankly when people do it, it gives me quite the urge to be quiet and drive off Malibu Canyon. Unless you were skipping fourth grade English class to toke the dope and drink bottles of Wild Turkey, nobody that uses the internet has any excuse whatsoever to fuck it up. People, we’ve reached a point in time to where spell check can’t help us, and heaven forbid we put down our mobile devices to learn it. It’s the there/their/they’re, your/you’re problem.  We are seriously in fucking crisis.

Let me be the first to say that I’ve been guilty of it too, but only when I’m drunk. The worst is when bands do it. When anybody does it it’s committing a mortal sin, but the “you can buy our CD their” tweet really gets the herpes itching. It doesn’t matter how metal a band is, how hardcore a band is, or if they’re tougher than a pack of expired Slim Jim. Any band that’s going to promote online should know how to fucking type. Actually, everyone that uses the internet and speaks the English language owes it to themselves to know how to correctly use there/their/they’re, your/you’re. Why? So at least when you’re talking shit to people online, YOU don’t look like the douche! 

If you don’t know the correct usage of these words, don’t feel embarrassed. Feel stupid? You should. I’ve created a study guide to make life easier for tweeting bands and internet users that didn’t walk at elementary graduation. If you already know the correct usage of these words, send this page to people that need a refresher. Let’s begin.

 

YOU'RE

You’re is the easiest to remember, because it means you are, which is called a contraction. Don’t know what a contraction is? There is a thing called a McRib; you will be selling it.

Anytime you want to say you are (something), you can always use you’re. Here are a few examples:

You’re a good singer.

It’s the same thing as saying: You are a good singer.

or

You are a shitty guitarist.

It’s the same thing as saying: You’re a shitty guitarist.  

YOUR

I find the easiest way to know if you should use your is to try what I call the Lame Like Poison technique. When using this technique, you simply ask yourself: Is your (something) lame like Poison? If you can answer with a yes or no, then you can always use your! The easiest way to remember that you should use this spelling of your, is to remember that Poison does that lame song “Your Momma Don’t Dance”.

Example #1:

Your band sucks!

How do you know that this is the correct your/you're?

Ask yourself:Is your band lame like Poison? Since you can answer with a yes or no, you can use your!

 

Example #2:

Your drummer looks like a girl.

How do you know that this is the correct your/you're?

Ask yourself: Is your drummer lame like Poison? Yes! So you can use your!

 

 

 

 

 

THEY'RE

They’re is a contraction for they are, so you should only use it if you are saying they are (something).

Example:

They’re a shitty band.

It’s the same as saying: They are a shitty band.

 

THEIR

Their is possessive, which means that someone can make it their bitch.  When using their, a noun usually comes after it.  You can check to make sure you are using this spelling of their by trying what I call the Lil Wayne technique. It’s when you act like a rapper and say what! after everything.

Example #1:

I like their band.

How do you know this is the correct (There/Their/They’re) to use?

You say: Their what!?

Then answer the question: Their what? Their band.

 

Example #2:

The way their drummer pounds that wood is impressive.

How do you know this is the correct (There/Their/They’re) to use? 

You say: Their what!?

Then you answer the question: Their what? Their drummer.

 

If you try the Lil Wayne technique with there or they're, it doesn't work the same way.

Example:

Their a shitty band.

How do you know this is the correct (There/Their/They’re) to use? 

You say: Their what!?

Then you answer the question: Their a shitty...

See how there isn’t a noun immediately after? In this case, you would know NOT to use their, because it sounds weird and really uneducated.

**An easy way to remember that the Lil Wayne technique is for THEIR, is to remember that the letters H-E-I-R is in the middle of the word. It stands for HE IS RAPPIN’, SON! And Lil Wayne is a rapper.**

 

 

THERE

There is used to indicate a location or place.

Example: I went there to see a band once.

Where did you go? There.

 

It’s also used as a pronoun to begin a sentence.

Example: There was a good opening band at the show last night.

 

Let’s review.

So how do you know whether to use your/you’re? You ask yourself: Am I trying to say you are (something)?  If yes, use you’re. If no, try the Lame Like Poison technique. Ask yourself: Is your (something) lame like Poison? If you can answer with a yes or no, use your.

How do you know which there/their/they’re to use? Ask yourself: Am I trying to say they are (something)? If yes, use they’re. If no, try the Lil Wayne technique. If this technique doesn't work, you’ll know to use there because it’s the only one left!

Bands and internet users, from here on out there is no reason to ever fuck up There/Their/They’re, Your/You’re when writing. And now back to your iPhones.